It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
