No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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