Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just had sex bonerless
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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