so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
