How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize