No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
