I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
