Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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