I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
