nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
