I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
