I just threw up on my dentist
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
