Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
