That's intense
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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