I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
