I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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