Your dad touched me again.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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