Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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