did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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