I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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