The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
