if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
