I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
