You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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