I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
