I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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