New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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