You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
