There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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