Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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