i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
