This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
