It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
