White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize