I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
