we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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