No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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