i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
