Your mouth is God's brothel.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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