I must be too annoying 4 u.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
