remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
