Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
