What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
