adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
