i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
