I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
false alarm. still invincible.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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