Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
