Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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