Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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