I got chris browned last night
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
