If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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