i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize