you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
