The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
