8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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