Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
People in love make me want to vomit
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
