Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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