i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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