That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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