took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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