almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
