Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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