I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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