literally had 100 drinks last night.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
