I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
