please come you make the beer taste better
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
