Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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