It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
