lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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