tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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