im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
