I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
