if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
