Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
