I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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