I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
