It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
being pregnant is like rehab
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
