Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Randomize
