Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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