I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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