JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
