You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
