I think i peed on brittanys purse
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize