if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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