Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
