she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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