i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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