I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
